Too long winded, more witter, than twitter...

I've been trying an experiment. I have a twitter account. It's mainly because it seems very important to know what Stephen Fry is doing at all times. But I was thinking, as someone without a clever mobile (actually mine is impressively stupid) the only time I'm on the internet is when I am incredibly bored & have little to say for myslef, so I wrote down stuff (With the intention of illustrating them) that I would "tweet" were I do to be able to. Here are some of them. (I was also playing at using the forgotten words in sentence, so there's quite a few in there.

#1

Ummmmm pants day! No-one in the house & twelvety movies saved on Sky+ God bless the Cohen Brothers!

http://www.apocolypsegirls.co.uk/ has pictures of me & other girls having pants days.

#2

Is is wrong to love a tote bag when the handles are too short thus rendering it impracticle?

(P.S not actual tote bag, but I love www.etsy.com, knitting & nintendo, just so you know)

#3

Is it wrong to think MTV knows best? (Is it worst to believe in Sexy Magic?)

#4

I didn't know Indian burns and Chinese burns were the same thing. Maybe my sister just told me they were different so she could give me both.

5#

Killer Robots are all well and good until they start on humanity.

http://store.dieselsweeties.com/collections/red-robot-swarm-2009

(Buy this. Read this.)

#6

What is it with fubsy businessmen in 1st class looking down on me in their primarni suits? Honestly, go away & can someone tell the turgid little bastard that 1st class is like one big plush QUIET carriage?

#7

The Beach Boys on a grey rainy day is like having a little jar of sunshine that not only radiates happy, but blocks out Mr. Soliull Cheapsuit yakking impoitently into his mobile about pointless meeting, the mewling fool doesn't have fun, fun, fun until daddy's takes the T-bird away. He probably drives a Mondeo.

#8

As the adverts suggest, roborance is part & parcel of stout. I had my half in a tiny guiness glass, it made me feel like a giant. Rosie put a heart in it for me, which must have been a lot more abstergent than a shamrock as it made my tummy ache feel better.

#9

New carpet & paint in the Ladies in the Fenton, but Mike Flowers Pops is playing, with pleasure comes pain. the smell or drying paint is considerably less olid than the previous smell but appropriate for the conversation. (I tried to matain my vilipend, but still took my shoes off & scrunched my feet like in Die Hard)

#10

In Brighton the tramps drink champagne & you snap your fingers after every Hi-5 (A Hi-10 get's a double snap) OH MY DAYS, as we say in Nottingham.

#11

He winked at me and something fluttered & it wasn't just the leathery skirr of the bats wings overhead, as they went, quite rightly about their nightly, batly chores. What a thing to happen in the half-light of the not quite day, not quite night. The caliginosity further embragles me into your simple gesture.

#12

The man coming round with the coffee sang 99 red balloons at me as my snack cost me 99p. He said he liked the song & so did the people in the clubs. I said 99 balloons would be more fun than crisps. He laughed. He asked me what the song was about, I thought about it, quite a while & replied "Balloons". Something's are best left alone.

13#

Seamus Heaney is rhyming slang for Bikini. Which isn't as bad as Emma Freud being Rhyming slang for Hemmorids.